Things change

This post contains images that some viewers might find disturbing.

Had things not changed, had everything stayed on course, I would have begun my first of two stem cell transplants today at Mass General Hospital (MGH). it is hard to believe it was over a week ago today I was rushed to the ER. Today, I clearly understand what is happening. At the time, however, I  was in tears to the paramedics while en route trying to explain my health history in one long-winded sentence, as well as explain that currently, I couldn’t move my left arm.

… why am I still so surprised how fast things can & do change?

When I first met the neurosurgeon, he was optimistic that the 3.2cm lesion in my brain was merely causing swelling, pressing against a supplementary motor cortex (voluntary movement HQ). He was optimistic. However, his tone changed after steroids, administered to help decrease swelling when the lesion was discovered, didn’t assist in bringing back the slightest movement in my fingers or arm. I can hoist the weight of my arm using my shoulder, but there is no grip or dexterity in my fingers, hand, wrist, etc. & bending it at the elbow isn’t entirely possible on my own/without extra guidance from my right arm. It is the strangest thing to be looking at my fingers and telling them, asking them, and pleading with them to move, but they don’t. I still have sensations and can detect touch, warm/cool temps, etc. This is where the hope will reside for recovery of mobility & use.

Rather than just swelling from the lesion causing pressure, the surgeon feels part of the lesion (part of it) was pushing against one of the primary motor cortex bands that run along this particular section of the brain. I am still trying to wrap my head around this… but it explains the extremity’s continued immobility.

Future stem cell transplant steps are being postponed for a few weeks.

Naturally, there is a lot of healing to do in the meantime, and any immune-compromising regimen can’t be undertaken until later in the month. Even then, they may want to opt for radiation therapy, similar to what was used to address the first brain met, before moving forward with the stem cell transplant.

This physical limitation is proving more challenging to deal with than all the chemo hangovers thus far experienced.