Two years ago, I returned from Mass General Hospital (MGH). My second stem cell transplant had wrecked me; it was brutal. “You really trooped through these!” said my oncologist. Though proud to hear such words, I was out of my mind and ready to be home. I spent the last 3 months in a small, sterile, seal-off hospital room, removed from the world (save for nurses and doctors), removed from fresh air, from direct sunlight… I just wanted to go home!
Initially, I met my oncologist at MGH every week. He was keeping a very close eye on me. Then we met every 2 weeks, every month, every 3 months… I have returned to the care of my oncologist here, in Maine, we currently meet every 6 months.
During this time, I was having scans (CT of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis and an MRI of my brain) every three months. Naturally, having experienced a recurrence just 6 months after the original/initial treatment, every set of scans sends me into a downward spiral of fear, anxiety, anger, etc.
Even now, having bumped my scans out to every 6 months, I am still sent into a tailspin when the time draws near for scans/tests. It’s the same with each round; fear, anxiety, anger. This is common, at least I’m assuming it is, for every cancer patient.
Today, however, two years out from my stem cell transplant, I learned that my CT scans (chest, abdomen, pelvis) are still showing signs of stability!
The peace that has set in with this knowledge is immeasurable!
I feel so very blessed tonight.
healing is a circular path 