Graphic Image Warning: The following photos contain post-surgery images and may be disquieting for certain viewers.

When I initially faced a recurrence of the cancer I thought was gone, I noticed how the faith I had in my own body seemed to slip away.

It was easy enough to feel uncertain about my physical being after decades of perfect health, only then to face an advanced cancer diagnosis. This level of instability, of uncertainty, intensified greatly when, feeling as though I was slowly regaining my emotional and psychical equilibrium, to be told, ‘a nodule on the right lung has grown.’

One thing is certain, I must merely look at the hurdles, obstacles, and setbacks thus far to begin to regain this sense of faith in myself, in my being, physical, emotional, etc., even on a week-by-week basis, the ground gained during these “rest” periods, is indicative of how willing my body is to heal, to try…

I have had too much on my mind recently to consider the resection of the lesion in my brain that took place towards the end of April (2017). in the grand scheme of everything, this is so recent; it feels like yesterday that I was awaiting the surgery set to take place the following day. However, looking back at everything since this operation and how much has come to pass… it feels like a lifetime ago.

My sister recently asked for an updated photo of the scar from the surgery. She was here during the operation and remained for a few weeks afterward to help in any/every way possible. Since her return to the West Coast, she has been keeping tabs on the healing process. To her, this is a clear sign of my physical ability to heal and recover. With so much to do, I wasn’t really considering it and, in fact, was steadily moving onward to the next task, the next form of treatment, etc.. the scar itself was another reminder of a setback I faced in this lengthy ordeal, and I was happy to move on and get back on track.  

Today, when documenting the scar for her, I couldn’t help but pause and study the barely visible line running down the side of my head. In this moment, it was the first time i saw it with a sense of awe and gratitude. No longer was it an indication of a setback or a crude reminder of yet another hurdle in the path. But rather an indication of the healing process and a reminder of the physical journey to regain that sense of center.