Gin & Tonic​-​Clonic

My neurologist was surprised that, after two brain lesions, one of which required radiation therapy and the other surgical resection, I had not experienced a seizure since my initial episode (March 2016). Evidently, they spoke too soon. My seizures returned recently, as frightening and debilitating as ever. 
This collection of sound works & compositions is my attempt to create a sonic depiction of what a seizure feels like to me. That being said, all of my seizures, except one, have been tonic-clonic/grand mal seizures, & I lose consciousness. Before this loss of consciousness takes place, and after it is regained, there is a mixture of overwhelming fear as my mind loops these broken thoughts that disintegrate before I lose consciousness. My mind resets itself upon waking/coming to. In this state, I often don’t recognize the world around me or the people trying to comfort me. Fear is still present but, more so, a feeling of sadness tinged with nostalgia as the world again comes back into focus. The states right before a seizure begins and after it has occurred are inexplicable; I know the emotions I place upon them, but they fall so short of what is actually taking place in my mind. I am still trying to find words to appropriately describe it… 
I hope these soundscapes and compositions might, somehow, be a sort of substitute for the words that fall so short.